So by now I'm sure everyone knows about Jimmy. But I just feel like venting anyway. I must. I can't even begin to say how sad I am by this news. I mean, I still can't believe it. Might be because I refuse to. I wish it were all a dream or some cruel joke. But what can I say, it's life. Or death, shall I say.

This man has been such an inspiration an influence to me. I remember when I first saw him back in '05. Bat Country. Yeah, it sort of became overplayed on MTV. But I just fell in love. Sure, I thought he was a woman at first. I know, silly me. But I couldn't see well who was behind those big shades hahaaa.

My sister was like, "A woman? You thought he was a woman?!"

Yeah, but anyway.... I grew to obsess endlessly over this band. You could say I fan-girled to the max. I mean, I even got A7X engraved on my class ring last year. And I don't regret it one bit. Because Sevenfold will always be a huge part of my life.

It's so sad that Jimmy's not here anymore. He was always so funny, outgoing, and just plain amazing. Not to mention how much talent he had. An amazing drummer, lyricist, vocalist.... had such a promising career in front of him. It just won't ever be the same without him.

+ I remember the hours I spent writing stories with him as the protagonist. When I remember that, it just makes me even sadder.

+ I remember when I got my hair cut all over the place and then realised it resembled his cow lick a bit. So I tried spiking it with this horrible gel. I remember my sister telling me I resembled him like that. So I let her attempt to spike it with that awful gel that just ended up making a complete mess out of my hair. I had to wash it immediately. Ew. So soon enough, I got wax and it worked wonders. Silly haha.

+ I remember how amazed I would be when he would twirl that drum stick in between his fingers and keep playing. Sure, tons of other drummers do it, but man... he was something else.

So yes, I needed to vent. I'm pretty much still trying to process this. It's hard, of course. I can't even imagine how hard the band, friends, and family are taking it. And fans.... like me. Ah, it's so sad. :'[

James Owen Sullivan, you were the best. And you are dearly missed. Rest in Peace.

1981-2009

):                ):                        ):                    ):                          ):

Alrighty. So 2009 has been a year of pretty wild happenings and just plain annoying, overall. However, some great albums were released. So I'm just going to give you guys a little list of the ten albums I enjoyed the most.

Enjoy.

So I'm starting from the bottom.... to the top, okay?

Here we go;

10.  THREE DAYS GRACE - LIFE STARTS NOW

Track listing : Bitter Taste 
                   Break
                   World So Cold
                   Lost in You
                  The Good Life
                   No More
                   Last to Know
                   Someone who Cares
                   Bully
                  Without You
                  Goin' Down
                  Life Starts Now

Top 3 tracks; World So Cold, Life Starts Now, Break


*This record is gritty, but warm at the same time. It has songs that
make you sway your head to the motion, even head-bang a bit. 
Whether you're angry, or just want something to listen to pass
the time, this is the album for you. Songs like World So Cold
and Bitter Taste represent exactly what I mean when I say 
'gritty.' Last to know; now that song nails acoustic just the
way I like it. Gontier, oh you do it so well. You all do. :)


9. The Blackout - The Best in Town


 
Track Listing : ShutTheFuckUppercut
                    Save Ourselves (The Warning)
                    Top Of the World
                    The Fire
                    Children Of the Night
                    Said & Done
                    Silent (When we Speak)
                   I Love Myself and I Wanna Live
                   This is Why we Can't Have Nice Things
                   We're Going to Hell... So Bring the Sunblock

Top 3 tracks; ShutTheFuckUppercut, The Fire, We're Going to Hell... So Bring the Sunblock


*Ay, ay, ay. These boys. These Welsh boys. How I adore them. Every time
I listen to this band, I get this large grin across my face. Can't help it;
they're fuckin' amazing. <3 Now this record is upbeat, in-your-face, and
simply a charm. Gavin Butler and Sean Smith make the perfect vocal duo.
And may I just sat Sean Smith has one of the best screams and shrieks
ever; my favourite screamo band. Because only The Blackout know how
to do it the right way. 


8. 30 Seconds to Mars - This is War



Track Listing : Escape
                    Night of the Hunter
                    Kings and Queens
                    This is War
                    100 Suns
                    Hurricane
                    Closer to the Edge
                    Vox Populi
                    Search and Destroy
                    Alibi 
                   Stranger in a Strange Land
                   L940

Top 3 tracks; Hurricane, Night of the Hunter, This is War


*So, when I'm in a really alternative mood (which is a lot) , I
listen to this record. It's mellow, electric, and riveting all at the
same time. Each song is like a different story and carries an 
adjacent personality. Sure, lame Kanye West is featured in one
of the songs, Hurricane, but he didn't manage to ruin it, surprisingly.
I guess the song is just too damn good to be ruined. This album,
you could say is a masterpiece. 
Tomo, Shannon, Jared; you guys are something else. <3


7. Kill Hannah - Wake Up the Sleepers




Track Listing : Radio
                   Snowblinded
                   New York City Speed (Older track)
                   Living in Misery
                   Strobe Lights
                   Why I Have my Grandma's Sad Eyes
                   Tokyo (Dance in the Dust)
                   Mouth to Mouth
                   Vultures (Be There For Me)
                   Escape Artistry
                   Acid Rain 
                   Laika
                  Promise Me
                  Welcome To Chicago (Older track)

Top 3 tracks; Acid Rain, Mouth to Mouth, Strobe Lights


*Dancey, edgy, a pleasure to listen to. After almost four years, I was extremely
excited to hear a new Kill Hannah record. Took them long enough. And ah, it
was worth the wait. This record is simply amazing. I fell in love with it from the
first time I listened to it. Mat's high vocals, they just get me. I love his voice.
I typically go for deeper vocals, but with Mr. Devine, it just goes. And Dan's
quirky solos compliment the record ever so well. These boys have been through
a lot lately, with their bus/gear being stolen/blown up at various instances. :C
Seeing them/meeting them = best ever. :)


6. AFI - Crash Love




Track Listing : Torch Song
                    Beautiful Thieves
                    End Transmission
                    Too Shy to Scream
                    Veronica Sawyer Smokes
                    Okay, I Feel Better Now
                    Medicate
                    I Am Trying Very Hard to Be Here
                    Sacrilege
                    Darling, I Want to Destroy You
                    Cold Hands
                    It Was Mine

Top 3 tracks; Torch Song, Okay, I Feel Better Now, Beautiful Thieves


* So yeah, this album had to be on this list. Mostly because of the love
I have for this band and how much I admire them. I'm watching the 
Medicate video as I write this; lovely. This record is upbeat, and
makes me want to jump all over the place when I listen to it. 
Kind of like they do on stage hahaa. I'm sort of glad they laid off the
electronica for this record, yet strangely, I like Decemberunderground 
better. Weird, I know. However, The Art of Drowning; Nothing like that
record. But yeah, I still love this album. Seeing A Fire Inside live - yeah,
 that pretty much made my life. But my life won't be complete until 
I see _________ and ___________. 
Love you boys... <3


5. Chevelle - Sci-Fi Crimes




Track listing : Sleep Apnea
                   Mexican Sun
                   Shameful Metaphors
                   Jars
                   Fell Into your Shoes
                   Letter From a Thief
                   Highland's Apparition
                   Roswell's Spell
                   Interlewd
                   A New Momentum
                   This Circus

Top 3 tracks; Sleep Apnea, This Circus, Roswell's Spell


*Oh, Peter Loeffler. Why must you have such an amazing voice? The vocals,
they're just what drive me insane. (In a great way, of course.) Chevelle has
yet to release a crap record. Because everything they do is always great. 
They're so strong, considering they're a three-piece. Hope to see them
live again one day soon. :D


4. Billy Talent - Billy Talent III





Track Listing : Devil on my Shoulder
                    Rusted From the Rain
                    Saint Veronika
                    Tears Into Wine
                    White Sparrows
                    Pocketful of Dreams
                    The Dead Can't Testify
                    Diamond On a Landmine
                    Turn Your Back
                    Sudden Movements
                    Definition of Destiny

Top 3 Tracks; Diamond On a Landmine, Definition of Destiny, Turn Your back


*Oh gosh, these guys. They are just too amazing. Bottom Line. If you want to listen
to a good punk record, pick this one up. It's hardcore, screechy, and plain Billy Talent.
Now let me say this; if you've never listened to Billy Talent before, you might find
Ben Kowalewicz's vocals annoying and maybe even overbearing. They take some
getting used to. But man, when you're used to his voice, you'll see just how
amazing everything about this band is. So glad I saw them live back in July.
Hope to see them again and HEADLINING. <333


3. Madina Lake - Attics to Eden





Track Listing : Never Take Us Alive
                    Let's Get Outta Here
                    Legends
                    Criminals
                    Through The Pain
                    Never Walk Alone
                    Not For this World
                    Welcome to Oblivion
                    Silent Voices Kill
                    Statistics
                    Friends & Lovers
                    Lila, The Divine Game

Top 3 Tracks; Legends, Criminals, Welcome to Oblivion


*Now where do I even begin? If you know anything about me, you know
I'm a HUGE Madina Lake fan. I mean, I worship these boys. They're 
pretty much the best ever to me. So when I got the news they were putting out 
a new record, I basically flipped out. Yes, I went insane. The anticipation was
killing me. And my ears devoured this record as soon as it came out. I
adored it right off the bat. There isn't one bad song on this album.
Actually, there is NO bad ML song out there. When every song by a
band is good, yeah... you know they're an amazing band. To me, at least.
I love, love, LOVE them. Okay, I fan-girl over them, I know. This band
even inspired a story I wrote; Adalia. Yesss, they mean a lot to me.
So yes, fucking amazing record. 
I love you, Nathan, Matthew, Mateo, Dan.... ever so much.
Hope to see you boys again soon. <33333


2. MUSE - The Resistance





Track Listing : Uprising
                    Resistance
                    Undisclosed Desires
                    United States of Eurasia (+Collateral Damage)
                    Guiding Light
                    Unnatural Selection
                    MK Ultra
                    I Belong To You (Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix)
                    Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1 (Overture)
                    Exogenesis: Symphony Part 2 (Cross-Pollination)
                    Exogenesis: Symphony Part 3 (Redemption)

Top 3 Tracks; Undisclosed Desires, MK Ultra, Exogenesis: Symphony Part 2 (Cross-Pollination)


*OH.MY.GOSH. MUSE, you guys just push it to the extremes when it comes to talent,
now don't you? No wonder you were awarded the Best Act In the World Today by Q Magazine.
DUH. This record is the definition of everything a masterpiece is considered to be. It's
got it all: amazing percussion, pronounced bass (as always) , developed riffs, intense
orchestral elements, keyboards, and Matt Bellamy's vocals. Need I say more? Everything
these extremely talented boys have achieved, they deserve. I seem to go on a journey
every time I listen to this album; any MUSE album for that matter. A different one
each time, because every MUSE song sounds entirely different from the previous one.
Never heard so much variation in a band. And at the same time, they have that
unmistakable MUSE sound. However, The Resistance lacks sufficient use of Bellamy's
classic falsetto. I like search for it when listeningto this record. You know, that 
Microcuts/Showbiz falsetto? (For actual MUSE fans.) I miss that, haha. 
And to all the people who found out about this band by watching the Twilight
films or listening to the soundtrack, you are LAME. Muse are entirely above that
Twilight shit. Now Stephenie Meyer, I appreciate the fact MUSE is your favourite 
band and all. I mean, they are so easy to love. But please, don't insist on taking 
their songs and using them in bits of those tacky films. Thank ya.
Okay, enough MUSE rambles. When I see this band live, I'll be complete. :)


1. Placebo - Battle For the Sun





Track Listing : Kitty Litter
                    Ashtray Heart
                    Battle For the Sun
                    For What it's Worth
                    Devil in the Details
                    Bright Lights
                    Speak In Tongues
                    The Never-ending Why
                    Julien
                    Happy You're Gone
                    Breathe Underwater
                    Come Undone
                    Kings of Medicine

Top 3 Tracks; Breathe Underwater, Speak in Tongues, Kings of Medicine


*hfjuryreoegeorterorgrptytprgerprgrperfeprhffgfkfhfkl!!!!!

So this record is my TOP pick of the year. It basically leaves me speechless,
obviously. I can't even begin to say what this band means to me. Okay, they
basically mean EVERYTHING to me! They're my life. Plain and simple. 
This album, oh my gosh. It's simply beautiful. The BEST record I've heard
in quite some time. Done only the way Placebo can do it. I've overplayed
Battle For the Sun to its core and let me tell you; I never get tired. Play
this record backwards for me and I'll STILL sing along. It gives this optimism
off, but at the same time, it has its shadows of darkness. Placebo will
always have that hint of darkness to them. Now if you've never had the 
pleasure of listening to this band before, which I assume most of you haven't, 
you might find Brian Molko's voice odd and different. That's because  his
voice is different. No one can sound like him. He has one of those unique
voices you don't hear anywhere else. This band lights me up and makes
me happy like FEW can. I could listen to them all day. I really could.
My birthday is in six months, the 23rd of June. Bring me Placebo and I'll
love you forever. Try to squeeze MUSE in there if you can. :)
When I see this band live, now that's when my life will be fully complete.
Of course you'd have to stand behind me because I'd be bound to fall back, haha. ;)

Brian, Stefan, Steve; you guys are the best ever. <33333


So there you have it, my top ten albums of the year. 

Some other good albums of this year include; 

The Used - Artwork
Lacuna Coil - Shallow Life
Silverstein - A Shipwreck in the Sand
Saosin - In Search of Solid Ground
Cobra Starship - Hot Mess
Atreyu - Congregation of The Damned

Yeah... so many albums from bands I like came out this year. :)

Man, I can't believe I bothered typing this all up.... haaa.

:)
                    
                    

the lost souls

[1/1]

Day 1,585. Day 1,586. Day 1,587. 

All crossed out with the dull edge of my nearly worn-out pen. After over four years in this facility, one would think I would lose track of the time. Actually, time is my most valuable asset. I was mistakenly placed in this Hell years ago, on a dreary night of November. I'll never forget it. My birthday was the following week. How could I? Guy came up to me, said I looked funny. Started getting in my face and making derogative comments about my orientation. Yeah, sounds simple enough, huh? Well, that wasn't where it ended. Far from that, actually. Turns out this guy kept close track of nearly every movement I would make; progressively gaining insight to find the perfect moment to attack. I honestly don't even know why this guy became so obsessed with me. To this day it seems to me he was more in love with me than out to get me because of the 'way I looked.' So anyway, long story short, on that 15th of November, 2000, you could say I basically combusted. I remember it all very clearly. I walked out of the ceramics store I owned, all too aware he would be waiting for me outside.

"Never thought you'd get out of there, pretty boy. Got a kind of haven going on in there, don't you?" he said and blew a cloud of smoke in my face.

I stood, staring at him from head to toe. His buzzed head, with its prickles of hair just fighting to grow back. The protruding bump on the back of his head that nearly made me wince from how thin he looked to me. I proceeded to look down at his unkempt appearance, absorbing his skimpy Sex Pistols shirt and his dark blue plaid pants, concluded by a pair of red boots that were obviously two sizes bigger than what they should have been.

"Checking me out now, aren't you?" he growled and charged towards me, cornering me against a light post.

"Can you please remove yourself from me?" I said, grimacing from the horrible stench of marijuana that came from his breath.

"Alright, I'll get away from you," he lowly said and took a few steps back.

"Thank you," I muttered and walked towards the parking lot, glad I hadn't been forced to use anything against him.

But that wasn't the end of it. I soon heard the repetitive tapping of feet against the cement descend from behind me. Before I could fully process it, he had me in a tight headlock and held a blade so close to my face, I could smell the rusted, metallic fragrance of it. If you could call that a fragrance.

"I'm gonna skin those rainbow tattoos right off you," he said against the side of my neck.

At that point, I was at the core of my patience. I struggled to breathe, taking short staggered breaths of air while shuffling my feet in no particular direction. Within seconds the tables had turned and I now had control of the situation. I had been carrying a needle tool from my ceramics store at all times since being aware I was being stalked. I doubted it would be of much use to me but I carried it anyway. As it turned out, that needle tool ended up working wonders for me. I had jabbed it right through the bastard's throat, causing him to let go of me instantly.

"You fucker. I'm so gonna--"

"Gonna, what?!" I yelled in response and charged at him, snatching his tacky knife and jamming it repetitively everywhere I could.

Must have been at least thirty stabs. What can I say, I basically lost it. It's not like I even wanted to murder him, it just happened. And before any remorse could kick in, I was in the barred back seat of a police car, my cuffed hands specked with black cherry blood. And I  thought the bystander effect applied in most cases. Well not in mine. I was charged with voluntary manslaughter and sentenced to twenty years in prison, due mostly to the gruesome nature of my crime. So I wasn't really mistakenly put in prison. I did kill a guy. But, I still hold true to the fact I acted through self-defense. I mean, it was either me or the guy. One of us was going to die, regardless. So that's how I came to land here, in the Maximum Security Facility of Sam. Get it, Son of Sam? As if the crime I had committed were really that morbid. Here, I'm surrounded by the worst kinds of people imaginable. Everywhere I turn, there's a child predator looming around the halls (shackled, of course) , men who committed various crimes of passion, rapists, drug dealers, just the works. I stay away from them as much as I can afford to and limit myself to having only the necessary amount of contact. Not like I can avoid them in the showers or cafeteria. Lovely, huh? However, I have managed to meet some people I actually consider decent. Surprise, surprise.

They are three lovely men and go by the names of Hunter, Adam, and Jade. And I thought I would never come across decent people in this shithole. Although none of them have told me the reasons behind being placed here, I have still been able to confidently trust them. Whatever it is they did in the past, I'm sure regret has kicked in, considering their generous actions. They are good people and I have been able to see how genuine they are through the years. I have no doubt that they are worth my while. We stick together when we can and all have each others' backs. In a place where nothing is certain and there always seems to be some fucker on your case, it's good to have people at your side. You know, when the going gets rough. Or so they say. We each loathe being in this place and the thought of withstanding decades more here is not the least bit appealing. Every time I get up early in the mornings, the first thing I have come to inevitably do, is look at the crumpled calendar on my wall and cross out another day. I'm lucky enough to actually have a yearly calendar brought to my cell, a privilege I cannot be without. I wonder about the time and days too much to be without one. As if crossing out the days would somehow speed time up. I guess I use the calendar to feel like I delete the days as they go by. Simply because I have no desire to remember any day spent here. The harsh treatment received from security, the ice cold showers, the freeze-dried food. Not to mention the mounds of rats peering from every crevice imaginable. Especially the days, no scratch that; months of solitary confinement and below freezing water hose-downs. All this has only fueled my desire to leave this torturous place. So, that's why with the help of my boys, I've come up with a plan. A plan to rid ourselves from this place and never shoot one abhorrent look back.

"Psst, psssst!" I distantly heard.

"Are you awake?"

"Mhmm, keep looking around. And tell me when you see a guard. I'm almost finished with this," I muttered as I applied more of the rubber I had melted from an old pair of boots on the pipe.

Over the last few days, we had been working on painting these sink pipes with melted rubber, in hopes that they would end up simulating a bar of our cell. The boys had already finished theirs and I was now applying the finishing touches to mine.

"Dave, guard's circulating. You hear me?" Hunter hissed under breath.

"Yeah, okay," I muttered and blew my candle out, making sure to hide the pipe behind my stack of previous calendars.

I slid back in my bunk as quietly as I could manage, holding my breath as I placed the starchy cover over me. The echo of boots against cement now became more pronounced. I shut my eyes and turned on my side.

"Smells weird around here. Got anything funky going on here, Marchand?" the guard said and tapped my bars with his club.

"Mm? What was that?" I murmured and squinted up at him.

"Smells like smoke. You been puffing that magic dragon around here lately?"

"Come on, you know I'm straight edge. Must I repeat that time and time again?" I slurred.

"Hm, whatever. Go back to sleep, Havok," he muttered and began whistling as he walked away, peering into other cells.

"Shit," Hunter whispered and let out a stifled chuckle.

"Close call," Adam said from the other cell next to mine.

"Alright, so tomorrow's the big day. Have you started sawing through your bars?" I questioned and peeked towards Hunter's cell.

"Yeah. I'm past half-way. You?"

"Yeah. I'm lucky the guard didn't tap against the particular bar I sawed through," I said, relieved.

"That was so close. So what's the plan for tomorrow?" Adam whispered.

"Okay, at 16:00, you know, shower time, we'll all come up with excuses not to go. Stomach ache, fever, chills, whatever you can come up with. Just don't overdo it. They'll obviously let us stay in our cells. That's when we take advantage of the timing and push the bar out. We replace it with the sink ones we painted and open the sewer lid near the end of the hall. We get under it and keep going until we make it out. Then there's that damn fence, and then the water. We climb the fence and swim. Just keep swimming, got it?"

"Okay, understood. So tomorrow it is. Are you scared?" I heard Jade whisper in the distance.

"Hell yeah, but there's nothing else I'd rather do. I'm out of this abominable place. Did the needle tool saw work well for the bars?"

"Yeah, sawed right through. You're a genius, man," Adam lowly chuckled, his voice nasally even as a whisper.

"Good. Night, guys," I said and closed my eyes.

"Holy shit, it fits perfectly," I cockily said as I stood back and looked at the bar in its place.

"Yeah, it does. Now let's go before a guard shows up," Jade said and tugged me by the arm.

We swiftly paced through the desolate hall. As soon as we came close to the sewer, Adam knelt down and slid the lid over. Once we were all inside, I carefully slid the lid back in place.

"Damn, it's filthy down here," Hunter complained through the torrent of sewage.

As bad as it truly was, the only thought that consumed me, was that of freedom. If I withstood all the years wasted and all the mistreatments, I could surely take some dirty water and rats; nothing new to any of us. Of course it seemed endless, but before we realized it, we had come across another sewer lid. Jade impatiently shoved it open and we excitedly climbed out. We couldn't contain ourselves. It was like seeing the light for the very first time.

"We did it, we did it!" Adam cheered and hugged all of us.

"Hold on, Adam. We're still not completely out of here. Not just yet," I chuckled as I looked towards the fence.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's climb the damn thing!" Hunter yelled and ran towards the fence.

We all impulsively followed him and began wildly climbing, our legs dangling against the fence, forgetting how secretive we had set out to be as absconders. We had reached the very top of the fence when suddenly, multiple shots were fired in the distance.

Alrighty.... so this will NOT be continued. It's just a one-shot I decided to do. Mostly for this AFI thing on Mibba.

Hope it was worth your while and you liked it.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated. By the way, more pure morning coming soooon.

:)

post blue

5

"And you just left him there?!" Jenna hissed and squeezed Josie's wrist.

"Well yeah, what was I supposed to do, wait there with him?" Josie said and flung her hands in the air.

"Well you could have at least stuck around to see what happened to him! You just left him there. Gosh Josie, you're so stupid!"

"Oh, I'm the stupid one now? I'm not the one who let him overdose! What you two were doing is beyond stupid. Don't go trying to blame me for the stupid shit you do," she sighed and flipped her wrist over to get a look at her watch.

"Look, he's the one who should have known how much to take without getting an overdose, not me. I thought he knew what he was doing. We were just hanging out, super chill. I had no idea the night would turn out so shitty. I'm just extremely worried right now, and you couldn't even bother to be considerate enough to stick around and see what would happen to him," she said, her lower lip rapidly trembling.

"I have been considerate, Jenna! A little too considerate, if you ask me. I really don't need to be putting up with your constant bullshit all the time and covering for you like I do. I think it's time you grew up already. Life isn't a fucking day care. You can't always have someone holding your hand," Josie scoffed, irate.

"I am grown up and can do things on my own, thank you. The one time I actually ask you a favour, and you give me shit for it. And this isn't just any favour; it's life or death!" she said and harshly tugged on Josie's arm.

"Let go of me. Just go to sleep already. That's probably all you need right now. You look like shit, did I already tell you that? I'm outta here," Josie said and began walking towards the door.

"And what about wiL?" Jenna eagerly asked.

"Well, I guess you'll find out what happened to him later in the morning. I really don't know what else to tell you. Get some sleep," she said and closed the door.

"Kind of hard to do that when your boyfriend could be dying; or worse, dead," Jenna whispered and took hold of the necklace wiL had given her the previous Christmas.

She never took it off. It was sort of like her good luck charm. She suddenly remembered he had asked her to put a picture of the two of them inside the locket. She never did. Instead, she used the locket to stash weed inside it. How selfish was she? It had never struck her until now how much she took wiL for granted. She had no idea what could have been going on with him and that put her nerves on edge. She dragged her feet against the ground as she slowly walked towards the bed, flinging herself on top of it. She hated feeling this way; helpless. She was used to being in control of every situation life threw her way. Her eyes soon felt as if they had weights attached to them, lulling her into a deep sleep she couldn't resist. Whatever was in store for her in the coming hours, she didn't want to think about...

Sacramento

5th of September

Harshly squashing the half-smoked cigarette against the ashtray, Brian stared at his weathered reflection in the mirror. He stared until his blood-shot eyes almost implored him to let them blink. He reached inside the tattered box of Marlboro's and swiftly snatched yet another cigarette out. He held the cigarette against the corner of his lower lip and lit it with a shaky hand. He then started to think about the number of cigarettes he had half-heartedly smoked since receiving that call. Must have been at least eight. Ten, maybe? He couldn't even be bothered to keep count. What he needed to do, was figure out a way to fix things. How to walk away without a permanent scar. He then saw the phone next to him out of the corner of his eye. Was he really going to beg? Begging was something Brian simply wasn't used to. He was getting just a little too old to be begging persistently. Hell, he was already nearing 36. But his future with his son, Alex was at stake. No, he was not willing to let Cristi take his son away from him. There was just no way he'd willingly let that happen. His hand then impulsively slid towards the phone as if it had a mind of its own and he soon found himself dialing Cristi's number. She must have seen his number and rejected his call, considering it only rang twice before her voice mail started playing.

"Damn it," he lowly sighed and slammed the phone shut.

"Feeling better? Wait, why am I even asking that when I see a cloud of smoke circulating the room," Steve said as he tapped his drum sticks repeatedly against one another, a nervous habit.

"Does it look like I'm alright? I mean really, Steve; the woman wants to take my kid from me. Sure, she would pick this time to go ahead and do it; when I'm too far away to do anything about it!" he shot out and slammed another fag against the already- crowded ashtray.

"Hey, calm down. She's probably not even going to do anything against you like that. You have to realize she's just probably hurt," Steve said and sat next to Brian.

"Hurt? What the Hell are you talking about?"

"Hurt that Alex prefers you over her. I never say anything, but it's so noticeable. The kid goes crazy as soon as he sees you, it's amazing. Look, I know I haven't been in the band long but I think it's so obvious Alex likes you more than he does Cristi. And I think that's what she can't take. So she's just running her mouth, making all these pointless threats she's probably not gonna follow through with anyway. I say you just ignore her for now, wait 'til the tour's over, and then calmly talk to her," he said, attempting to reassure Brian.

"You and your goddamned positivity. You always have to go and find a bright side to everything, Forrest," he muttered and gave a weak smile.

"Does it annoy you?"

"Of course it does! You see, I'm in the mood to be angry and feel sorry for myself and you always have to go and spoil it for me," he said and tapped Steve's shoulder.

"Just trying to make you feel better. Don't like seeing you so worked up about these things. We don't have much of the North American tour left, do we?" Steve curiously asked and nudged Brian's knee.

"No, we don't. Thank Gosh..."

"Okay, so we'll have a bit of time to settle down once the tour ends, so don't worry so much about it."

"Fine, but that will be hard. You know that kid's my life, right?"

"Yes, I know. But I hate it when you get like this; smoking a hundred packs of cigarettes a day."

"Exaggeration," Brian replied as smoke flared through his nostrils.

"Okay, whatever you say. Heading out for sound check, you coming?" Steve said as he walked towards the door.

"Yeah, you go ahead first. I'll be out soon," he called out in response.

"Told you not to go in there," he heard Stefan say to Steve.

As soon as he no longer heard their voices, he grabbed his phone again and rapidly dialed her number. This time, it rand a few more times before the voice mail played. Phone clutched against the side of his face, he took a deep breath.

"Just so you know, you're not taking Alex from me," he said in between clenched teeth.

Jenna firmly held her knees up to her sternum, feeling occasional chills spiraling up and down her body. She remained tucked within the covers of her bed, in fetal position. After all those exhausting hours of anxiety, she had finally managed to fall into a heavy sleep. Despite the fact she was dead asleep, thoughts of what might have been going on with wiL still lingered over her mind. She heard a distant noise emerging through her surroundings, but decided to ignore it and keep her eyes tightly shut. The noise persisted, however, and only got louder, progressing to repetitive thuds coming from her window. Her eyes immediately popped open and her body flung forward, falling off the side of the bed. She kept whispering for the noise to stop over and over as she slowly walked towards it. Out of curiosity, she rose the blinds to see what or who it was that kept causing all that commotion without stopping. The blinds didn't even have to be a fourth of the way up for her to realize who it was at her window. As soon as she caught sight of a black shirt, crookedly buttoned up half-way, revealing pale skin under colourful tattoos, she gasped and fell back.

"Open it, damn it," she saw him mouth.

She got back up on her wobbly legs and hesitantly slid the window up.

"Get in," she hissed and tugged wiL inside the room.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered once sliding the window shut.

"That would be what you'd be most concerned with. Yeah, forget about the fact I spent the whole damn night getting my fucking stomach pumped out," he scoffed in disbelief.

He held his hand firmly to his abdomen and walked in a slouched position to her bed, lying back on top of it.

"You know what I mean, wiL. You know you're not supposed to come to my house... ever. And come in, even less!" she said and tip-toed over to her door, locking it.

"Jenna, do you even care about me?" he suddenly said, his pale lips only losing colour.

"What kind of question is that? Of course I care about you; a lot, too. Why would you even ask that?"

"Well you saw I overdosed and left me alone at the hospital, not even caring to know what was gonna happen to me. Then, when I come over after a night of Hell, you have the nerve to question me about it. Why did you just leave me there?" he asked and attempted to sit up, not quite succeeding.

"It wasn't me. Look, when I realized you were trashed, I was already loaded myself. I didn't know what the Hell to do, so I just drove you to your apartment and did what I could to get you to wake up. Nothing worked, so I called my sister and she told me to come home and wait for her. She told me she'd take care of it. So she was the one who left you at the hospital, not me. If anything, I wanted to be there with you. But she wouldn't let me. I mean really, what was I supposed to do?" she said and sat near him.

"Well, I guess there really wasn't much you could do. But I'm surprised it was your sister who took me to the hospital."

"Yeah, she's not so bad. So anyway, how are you feeling?" Jenna asked and pressed her hand against his damp forehead.

"Oh, now you ask... nice," he muttered and turned his head the other way.

"Can you drop the attitude and let me know how you're doing? I'm serious," she said and put her hand over his forehead once more.

"You're pretty sweaty."

"Well yeah, fuckin' overdosed last night. They just pumped my stomach as I told you and started talking to me about this detox process and even some rehabilitation clinic," he scoffed and slowly sat up.

"Detox? Wouldn't that have required you to remain at the hospital for like a week more? Rehab?"

"Yeah, I left the hospital without anyone noticing. I waited for the opportunity to get the Hell outta there. I was not gonna go through that horrible detox process. Do you know how bad withdrawal can get? No way in Hell..." he trailed off and started looking around the room.

"Got any weed in here? Starting to feel shaky already."

"Forget about the drugs for now. I've been thinking," Jenna suddenly said and stood up, pacing in deep thought.

"Thinking, you? About?" wiL questioned, his eyes following Jenna.

"After what happened last night, maybe it would be best if we laid off the drugs. You could have died, wiL," she sternly said and sat back down next to him.

"Yeah, but you can't be living life worrying about shit like that. You have to live while you can. Live fast, you know?"

"I just don't want anything like that to happen to you again."

"I'll be more careful next time. Let's not talk about this anymore. Isn't that concert tomorrow?" he curiously asked.

"Oh, shit! Yeah, it is. With what happened to you last night, it kind of slipped my mind. Damn, yeah it's tomorrow!" she exclaimed, a smile of satisfaction coming across her lips.

"Still going with your sister?"

"Yeah, she wants to tag along, I guess. But if she doesn't anymore, I can always take you."

"Oh no, it's fine. I love Placebo, but I know your parents would somehow find out. Don't want to cause problems for you; I've already caused enough," he said and looked down.

"Don't say that, you dork," she said and firmly kissed his lips.

She took hold of his hand, tightly gripping it while thinking about the concert. Tomorrow was the big day. Life defining, it would prove to be.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Hope you liked it.

What did you think.... wooo.

:)

just like I swallowed half my stash

4

"Whoa, not so fast. babe," wiL said and gripped Jenna's wrist.

"Let go, ass. You said I could start doing it by myself already," she complained, a slight pout forming across her lips.

"Yeah, but you're injecting too fast. You can't just push the damn syringe down like that. Unless you want to crash?" he said and looked at her with wide eyes.

"And why would I want to do that? Are you stupid or something? Can you let go of my fucking wrist already?"

"Fine, whatever. Do it however you feel like doing it," he sighed and leaned back against the seat.

Jenna finished pushing the liquid into her calf, slightly wincing. She slowly extracted the needle and flicked it towards wiL, who was now humming, gradually getting louder.

"You know, you still haven't answered my question," she suddenly said as she thoughtfully looked at him.

"Mm? What question?" he said and slowly turned his head to face her.

"How much does this stuff cost you? Where do you even get it?"

"Oh, you don't want to know. I'll just let you know it's not very easy at all to get this stuff. I go through a lot of trouble. You're very lucky, Jenna."

"Lucky? And why do you say that?"

"Because you already have someone to provide you with the drug. And fuckin' free, too," he mumbled and began sliding down against the seat.

"Yeah, well I'd still like to know. You know, for those times when you're not around and I get cravings. Good to have individual connections of your own, don't you think?" she muttered and lit a cigarette.

"You know something else I'm in the mood for?" she said as she stared at her reflection.

"Damn, my pupils are dilated," she whispered, letting out a dry chuckle.

"Wanna see how fucked up my eyes look right now?" she said and nudged wiL's shoulder, causing his head to rock to the side and land on her.

"Ow, get off, damn it!" she shot out and shoved him towards the other side.

"wiL, you're not even listening to me. Falling asleep like that. Wake up, you ass hole. I'm serious," she said and punched his shoulder.

She sat and stared at him, now feeling alarmed since he wasn't responding. It didn't even look like he was really breathing. She leaned forward and took hold of his face, closely looking at him. She then hesitantly lifted each of his eye lids to see if he was even conscious.

"What the Hell? Fuck!" she shot out and quickly got out of the car.

She went around to the other side and got in the driver's seat, harshly shoving wiL's limp body over.

"What do I do, what do I do?!"

Not giving herself the slightest moment to think things over, Jenna turned the car on. She sped through the road, intermittently shooting panicked glances over at wiL as she ran red light after red light. She figured cops would eventually come after her and then she would definitely be busted, but she didn't have time to think, much less care about that at the moment. She drove until she reached wiL's apartment complex and basically dragged him all the way to the entrance and shakily put the key in the lock, turning it in the wrong direction for what seemed like hours.

"Damn, open already!" she yelled and kicked the door open once finally unlocking it.

She half-heartedly put wiL's arm over her shoulder and slowly walked inside, flinging him on the couch.

"Okay, what the Hell am I supposed to do now?" she said as she looked around.

It suddenly came to her. Food poisoning. Yes, she drank milk to help her vomit the contents back up.

"Okay, I'll do that, I guess," she sighed and ran towards the kitchen.

She searched inside the refrigerator until she found a gallon of milk and quickly paced back to where wiL lay slumped against the couch, looking paler at every angle she looked.

"You better wake up. I don't care if you puke all over me. I'll let it slide this time. Just please, wake up," she sobbed and tilted his head against her chest.

She forced his mouth open and slowly poured some of the milk down. The liquid simply flowed down the corners of his mouth and onto her. Now feeling even more panicked, Jenna dragged him to the bathroom and painstakingly placed him inside the tub. She had no idea where she even found the strength. She turned the faucet on and sprayed wiL over the face with cold water. He still wasn't responding. Jenna couldn't think of anything else to do at this point. She remained knelt down against the tub, staring at wiL's pale face in panic. She then pressed her face against his chest and heard his heart beating too slow for her liking.

"I have to call someone," she said and got up.

She walked around the entire apartment, pacing back and forth, still not fully processing what was presently going on. She dug a shaky hand in her pocket and took her cell phone out, rapidly dialing Josie's number. After the fourth time, she finally got it right and soon heard ringing through the other line.

"Jenna, where are you?" Josie sternly answered.

"Look, you have to come here. You have to see what happened. He's in the tub right now with his eyes closed, soaking wet. I tried to help him with milk, but he still didn't wake up and then--"

"Whoa, stop! You're going over things way too fast. First of all, who isn't waking up? And where are you?"

"wiL's not waking up! I have tried over and over and he's still not opening his eyes. You need to be here to help me!"

"And where are you?! I'll be there, but tell me where you are!" Josie said, alarm piercing through her tone.

"Okay, okay. I'm at his apartment. Write it down," she said between clenched teeth.

"Okay, I'll try to get there as soon as I can. Stay there. You have so much explaining to do. I don't understand anything."

"Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up, please! I know you hate him, but don't let him die!" she shrieked into the phone.

"Damn, what have you managed to get yourself into this time?" she scoffed.

The line then went dead. Jenna walked back and forth, incoherently mumbling to herself. She didn't want to go back to that bathroom and see wiL pretty much dead. No, she just wanted her sister to come already and do something. She sat on the couch, knees uncontrollably trembling as she stared at the door. As soon as she heard foot steps approach, she instantly paced up to the door and flung it open.

"Get in here!" she hissed and tugged Josie in.

"Let go, Jenna! What the Hell is going on here? You're completely trashed," Josie said and put her hand over Jenna's forehead.

"Forget about me; wiL's in the bathroom, completely out. You have to go take a look at him. I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Okay, take me to him then."

"Look! Is he dead?" Jenna asked as she hovered over Josie's shoulder.

"Back off a bit, will you? What did you do to him?" she asked as she checked his pulse.

"I didn't do anything to him! We were in his car, having a good time and all of a sudden, he just stopped talking. And he hasn't opened his eyes since then!"

"And how long as it been since he last talked to you? What were you doing in his car anyway?" she sternly asked and closely looked at Jenna.

"Jenna, you're high, aren't you? Wait, that's what you two were doing; getting loaded. No wonder wiL's overdosed! Look, I'm gonna need you to go home. Here's some money for a cab. Go to the house and wait for me there. Don't even think about doing something stupid, got it? Now go!" Josie exclaimed and shoved Jenna out of the bathroom.

"But what are you gonna do with him? I can't leave him there, dead like that!"

"He's not dead, you idiot. Not yet, at least. I'll get this issue sorted out. Just do as I say and wait patiently for me. This could drag out for a while. I'll have news for you soon. Now go, Jenna!"

"Fine, but please get him help. I'll be waiting all night for you if I have to. Don't let anything happen to him. I love that guy, so do everything you can!"

"Just go home already! I'll do what I can," Josie sighed and looked down as she nodded in defeat.

Jenna then ran out of the apartment and kept going in no particular direction. She just kept running until she felt completely breathless. She soon spotted a lime green cab in the distance and instantly began waving her arms up in down in panic as she yelled for it to come to a stop. As soon as it screeched to a halt in front of her, she opened the door and rapidly got in, hyperventilating as she thought about the situation she had just left her sister in. She gave the taxi driver directions without thinking. She didn't even know if she had given him the correct directions to her house, but all she could think of was wiL. What if he had died?

As soon as the taxi came to a stop near her house, Jenna flung the assorted dollar bills towards the driver's face and got out, stumbling her way to the dark house. She bent down and grabbed the key from under the mat, attempting to unlock the door as quietly as possible. She then slipped the key back under the mat and closed the door. All she wanted was to go straight to her room and wait for news from Josie. She dragged her feet across the matted carpet and up the stairs to her room. She had no idea what time it was, but then again, she really had no idea what would happen from here on out. She figured her parents must have been dead asleep at the present moment, considering how quiet and remote the house felt.

"Good," she whispered as she continued walking up the stairs.

She planned to simply sit and wait for news. There was no way she could go to sleep at this point. Knowing her boyfriend was at risk of dying gave her a huge, lumpy feeling in her gut. She now found herself realizing how much she actually cared about him. She let out a deep sigh as she approached her bedroom door. She slowly pushed it open and turned the light on. Her eyes instantly widened with alarm as soon as she spotted her Mother sitting on her bed, an empty syringe clutched in her hand.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" she hesitantly asked, wincing from the brightness of the light.

"That's my question to you, actually. What are you doing here, coming at this time? she questioned, a tear rolling from the corner of her eye.

"I had an emergency, Mom. I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything about where I was, but--"

"Jenna, I've been waiting for you in this room well over four hours. Do you realize just how irresponsible you are? You are always out of the house, doing who knows what! I know you're a teenager and you like your privacy. I respect that, believe me. But when you don't come home until three in the damn morning, that's pushing it a little too far. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, but I already told you I had an emergency that I--"

"You mind telling me about your emergency?" she cut her off as she gripped the syringe tighter.

"It's wiL, Jeanine. He--"

"And call me Mom! Why do you insist on calling me by my name?"

"Sorry, Mom. But wiL had an emergency and I just had to be there with him. Sorry," she said and looked down.

She felt too embarrassed to even look at her Mom in the eye.

"Emergency, huh? It wouldn't happen to be an emergency involving this, now would it?" she said and flashed the syringe towards her.

"Well, I, uh-- maybe," was all she could manage to say.

"What is this for, Jenna? What do you inject yourself with?" she sternly asked, her eyes progressively watering.

"It's nothing, Mom. Where did you find that?"

"Where I found it doesn't matter. What matters is where you got it, and what you use it for. I'm waiting, Jenna."

"Well, um. I really don't know what to tell you, Mom. Why were you in my room looking through my stuff, anyway?"

"Well, I just wanted to have a talk with you. I wanted to tell you I was no longer upset with you, but then I saw this syringe on the ground. And not just this; also the fact you go missing for many hours at at time. Sometimes a whole day. Like today, for example. What's going on with you, Jenna?"

"Look, just because that syringe happened to be in my room, doesn't mean it's mine. You always have to go and judge me, Mom."

"Jenna, you need to stop doing whatever it is you're doing. I'm leaving now. Only because it's late and you should really get some sleep. You're not looking good at all," she said and nodded in distaste.

"Gee, thanks, Jeanine," she lowly muttered.

"It's Mom. And we're not done talking, by the way," she said and walked towards the door.

As soon as she closed the door, Jenna grabbed her cell phone and checked for any called. No one had called or texted her yet.

"What's going on, damn it!" she hissed and sat on the corner of her bed.

She sat until she felt her eye lids droop down with exhausted weight. Her door then suddenly began to slowly open, causing her eyes to widely open. Josie then walked in, her shoulders slumped.

"How is he?! What happened?! Is he alright?!" Jenna exclaimed and shook her sister.

Josie slowly rose her head to eye level.

"I don't know."

TO BE CONTINUED.

Alrighty, so hope you like this post.

More should be out by next weeeeek.^^

I just want to take a moment to wish Mr. BRIAN MOLKO (Placebo) a very happy birthday. It was yesterday.

I worship him...... mhmmmm. He'll be appearing in this story shortly, by the way.... Hence, him being on the banner.... DUH

<333

Also, I'd like to wish MR. ZACKY VENGEANCE (Avenged Sevenfold) As if you didn't know that, haha. A happy birthday....TODAY!!! I obsessed over this lovely man... so much. :)

And to Mr. NIKKI SIXX!! Need I say the band??

Mhmm.... happy birthday to all these amazing dudessss.

slave to the wage

3

Feeling an uncomfortable sensation overtaking the whole right side of her face, Jenna lazily slid her body over to the other side of the bed. She blew excess hair away from her face and slightly opened her eyes, the amber light coming from the digital clock beside her irritating them. She winced and slid back to the other side. Her eyes then abruptly opened wide and her body unwittingly jolted upright. She looked around the room with puzzled curiosity until her eyes roamed back towards the clock.

"Are you fucking kidding?!" she hissed and clumsily hopped off the bed.

She tripped over her feet and harshly landed on the ground, rubbing her newly sore knees as she slowly crawled towards the other end of the room and picked her uniform up, groaning at the thought of showing up at her job. She carelessly slipped her pants on and buttoned her shirt up half-way.

"Fuck, where is it?" she muttered and got back down on her knees.

She pulled a black tie over her head and pulled it tight to the point where it nearly choked her. She then rushed to the bathroom and looked around for the toothpaste.

"Damn it, I don't have time for this," she said and poured a mouthful of Listerine in her mouth.

"Well, it tastes minty fresh," she sarcastically said as she looked at herself in the mirror.

She looked a complete mess. Who was she kidding? She was a complete mess. Tired of looking at her unkempt reflection, Jenna flung the bathroom door open.

"Whoa, you're still here?" Josie questioned as she eyed Jenna from head to toe.

"Yeah, overslept. But I'm still showing up, so whatever," she said and attempted to make her way past her sister.

"Wait up. Who's taking you?"

"No idea. I'll walk, I guess. Now move. I'm already extremely late; breakfast is pretty much ending."

"I can take you. So come," Josie said and grabbed her car keys.

"No. I don't want to bother you. It's fine.

"Not taking no for an answer. So just let me take you. You always want to make things complicated, Jenna," she muttered and rolled her eyes.

"Fine, just because I'm running late. Otherwise, I'd spare you the tedious task of driving me."

"Shut up. Now let's go," Josie said and walked towards the door.

"Damn, why'd you stop like that?" Jenna said after running into Josie at the entrance.

"Aren't you going to say bye to our parents? Well, to Mom at least, because we all know how much you hate Dad."

"Well I have my reasons, so don't bother me about it. And no, I'm not going to bother Mom about anything for now. I'm pretty sure she's still mad at me. I'll just give it some time. Let's go already," she muttered and shoved her way past Josie.

"Unlock the doors!" she irritably called out.

Smoke smoothly flared through her nostrils as she slumped down against the seat once inside the car.

"Hey, no smoking in here so throw that shit out the window," Josie ordered as she got in the car.

"Smells funky. Jenna, is that pot?" she asked in disbelief as she stared at the joint.

"Look, I'll throw it away. Just needed a drag, that's all," she said and flicked the roach out the window.

"What? Stop staring at me, gosh!" she irritably exclaimed and looked back out the window.

"I knew you smoked, but I wasn't sure if you were also doing pot. Jenna, why? Who gives you that shit? Oh, don't answer. It's that wiL guy, isn't it? I'm telling you, stop hanging out with that guy. He's brought you nothing but trouble. Jeeze, you really do care only about yourself," she scoffed.

"You know nothing about wiL, so just shut the Hell up. You've only seen him what, two times at the most? So just stop saying stupid shit. Now will you please drive me to my fucking job already? I'm gonna get fired."

"Well that's your fault for always having your head up your ass," Josie shot out and put the car in drive.

"You bitch," Jenna said and opened the car door.

"No, don't get out. Stay," Josie said and tugged her back inside.

"Sorry for saying that. It's just that you drive me insane. You're so young and you're just wasting your life away, hanging around the wrong people and doing drugs. Because you do more than just smoke pot, right?" Josie hesitantly asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. Why would you make that assumption anyway?"

"Because I'm not stupid, that's why. I heard you come home way past midnight. Must have been like, two in the fucking morning."

"Huh? How'd you hear? Weren't you sleeping?"

"I'm an insomniac, remember? Plus, it would have been impossible not to hear, even if I was asleep; you kept bumping into everything. Were you on something?" Josie asked as she eyed her sister.

"Can you drop the stupid questions already? Just drive me to work and leave me alone. I don't want to talk about last night."

"Fine. Have it your way, like always. You look and smell like shit, by the way," Josie said and flashed a fake grin at Jenna.

"Fuck you," Jenna muttered under breath and continued looking out the window.

"My, my, my. Where have you been?" Jenna's friend, Stacey said as she stared her down.

"Around. Don't ask. What have I missed?" Jenna questioned while digging in her back pocket.

"What kind of question is that? You've missed pretty much the whole breakfast hours. Just letting you know, Matt has been asking for you for the last two and a half fuckin' hours," she scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Well what the Hell does he want?" she said and pulled a joint from her pocket.

"Just to know where you were. Shit, I have like three tables I'm waiting on. I'll be back soon enough. I suggest you hurry up and get to work before Matt comes back towards this area. Catch up with you later," Stacey said as she walked off towards the tables.

Jenna thoughtlessly flicked the joint in between her fingers as she leaned against the wall. Suddenly, two slender hands wound around her waist. She flinched and turned around to see Matt, her boss closely staring at her.

"Matt, you scared me. Look, I know I'm beyond late, but--"

"Come to my office," he said and led her by the hand.

Once inside the cool room, he closed he door, locking it. Jenna was now beginning to feel cool droplets of perspiration forming at the base of her neck as she cautiously stared at him.

"I just want to know one thing," he suddenly began and motioned for her to sit down.

"What do you want to know?"

"Just the reason behind your constant tardiness to work. I mean, you're coming in later and later each day. Is there a particular reason for that?" he sternly asked.

"Well, I overslept. There, that a good enough reason for ya?"

"So, you oversleep every time you have to show up for work?" he sarcastically said.

"Maybe I do."

"Jenna, stop it already. It's not only your extreme tardiness, it's also your appearance. No offense, but it looks like you got hit by a truck. You smell like pot as well. Look, I know your a pot-head, but please, try spray yourself with as much body spray as you can. Just anything to mask that stench," he said and waved a hand in the air.

"Give me a break. You--"

"But I conceal it. I do a great job at it, too."

"Well that's great for you. Not like I even really get close to the stupid customers. They can't smell me," she sighed and looked at the clock.

"I should really get started on my shift; I'm running way too late. Guess I answered all of your questions, so if you don't mind, I'm--"

Matt put his palm against her stomach, preventing her from going any further.

"Actually, there is one other specific thing I believe you owe me. Remember, each time you screw up, you have to--"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do it. But once my shift ends. Don't annoy me so much about it. Let me through already, will you?"

"Alright, I'll be waiting here so don't even think about conveniently forgetting, got it?"

"Yeah, whatever. Leave me alone already," she muttered as she practically shoved right through him.

She angrily slammed the door shut and slipped her apron on in distaste. Just the thought of what she was going to do later in the day immensely repulsed her. She felt she should have already been used to the pervert of her boss by now, but it was just something she always has trouble processing. It wasn't only Matt who repulsed her; it was also herself. She felt more and more disgusted with herself as the days passed. But at the back of her mind, the immense anticipation of seeing Placebo was always present. And only in a matter of days. A huge smile came across her face as she slipped her note pad out from her apron pocket. She let out a deep sigh and began flipping through pages, in search of a  fresh one.

"Hey, you're waiting table seven. Go," Stacey said as she quickly paced towards her and handed her a set of menus.

"Thanks," she muttered and walked towards the oncoming customers, her shoulders slumped.

"Hey, welcome to Reyna's café," she said with a fake smile as she set down a menu in front of each person.

"Um, excuse me?" the woman said as she nodded towards her husband.

"Yes, what was that?" Jenna said, knowing she was about to be given a hard time.

"You don't expect me to have my baby on my lap the whole time, do you? Can you go get us a high chair?" she irritably said as she rocked the toddler up and down against her knee.

"Well, um... he isn't exactly what I would call a baby, Ma'm. Isn't he like what, four or five-years-old? He seems too old for a high chair. Plus, there's plenty of room on the seat, if you ask me," she said and nodded towards the empty corner of the booth.

"Well, I didn't ask you, now did I? Just go do your job and get us a damn high chair, will you?" she shot out and rolled her beady eyes.

Jenna stood and gave a dirty look at the boy, who was now blowing saliva bubbles and giddily laughing each time one would pop. She looked at him in disgust, realizing more than ever how much she hated children. She simply didn't want to have anything to do with one, ever.

"As you wish," she muttered and began walking away from the table.

"Oh, and a kids' menu, doll!" she heard the obnoxious woman call out.

"Great, I'm waiting a bitch's table," she said under breath as she reluctantly walked back towards the table with a high chair and menu in hand.

"There. Here's your high chair and kids' menu. You happy?" she said and smiled widely.

"Yeah, took you long enough. Here, set Cody down, please," she said and extended the snot-faced child near her.

Jenna felt herself wince in disgust as she hesitantly put the boy on the high chair, which he barely even fit in.

"Okay, what can I get you to drink?" she sarcastically said and sighed in annoyance.

"Hey, lose the attitude or we'll have to have a talk with your manager," the husband sternly said.

Jenna's eyes widened as she thought of Matt. No, she couldn't afford to screw up again in one day. That would mean--

"Hey, did you hear me?"

"Yes, Sir. Sorry, what is it you'd like to drink?" she said and composed herself.

How she hated this job. As time progressed, the couple and their unbearable son only flustered her more. With each order of food they had asked for, she did a different thing. She leaned against the counter, discreetly hovering over the food and gathered as much saliva as she could, spitting into the woman's food. To the husband's plate, she dusted off scattered cigarette ashes within the food. She hated children, so she decided to spread a small amount of ashes on the boy's plate as well. She stood and watched them eat with delight, unsuspecting. Feeling pleased with herself, she walked out the back exit and lit a cigarette.

"Okay, that's enough," Jenna gargled and spit into the small trash can next to her.

"Hey, you were supposed to swallow. You know that," Matt irritably said as he buttoned his pants.

"Well I didn't feel like it. Can I leave already?" she asked as she impatiently shuffled her feet on the ground.

"Yeah, but not before I give you this," he said and placed a fifty-dollar bill in her hand.

"Matt, what's this supposed to mean?"

"You did an extra good job today. Plus I received no complaints from customers today, so you deserve it."

"Uh, okay. Well, thanks. See you later," she said and quickly walked out of the restaurant, glad the day had finally ended.

She instantly spotted wiL's red car, parked in the outer corner of the lot. He flashed his headlights at her and waved his hand up. She walked over to the car and flung the door open.

"Didn't think I'd be here, did ya?" wiL said and took hold of her face, pulling her into a long kiss.

Tightly gripping the bill in her palm, she thought of what she wanted to spend it on.

"Hey," she suddenly said.

"Yeah?"

"How much was that Special K, anyway?"

TO BE CONTINUED. :)

Hope ya liked it.

Tell me what you think, kiddies.....

♥

days before you came

2

"Jenna, you know we still haven't technically gotten permission to go to that festival," Josie said as she thoughtfully stared at the tickets.

"Oh well. I got them, didn't I?" Jenna said with a cocky tone.

She sprawled herself out on her bed and quietly chuckled to herself. She always felt empowered when having accomplished something that was technically forbidden. She felt it gave her an air of power and confidence.

"I don't know," Josie suddenly said, placing the tickets near Jenna on the bed.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" she said and sat up, eyes following Josie as she thoughtfully paced back and forth.

"I don't think we should go. You know Mom wouldn't want us to. Well, she wouldn't want you to, that's for sure."

"Well I'm going no matter what. I worked way too hard to obtain these damn tickets. There's no way in Hell I'm letting the opportunity of a lifetime slip away. Are you crazy?" she said in disbelief.

"No, I'm a realist; an entirely different thing. I just know we'd get ourselves into big problems if we went," she said and nodded.

"Well, it's not like the ticket has your name on it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't have to go with me. I can always tag wiL along," she said and bent down, placing the tickets in a small box under her bed.

"wiL? No. Definitely not him. Besides, I do want to go. It's just that I don't think we should. It'll just cause all sorts of problems that--"

"Do you want to see Placebo or not?" Jenna sternly shot out.

"Yes, I want to see them but--"

"But, nothing! We're going, okay? So stop with your annoying, pessimistic ranting."

"Question," Josie started and looked towards Jenna with concern.

"What?"

"How did you get those tickets?"

"Well I have them, don't I? That's all that matters," she dryly responded and pulled a cigarette out of the box next to her bed.

"Well, you did say you worked hard to get them. I just want to know, that's all."

"Just know that it wasn't easy for me and that we have to go. Because after working so hard to get them, it would be fucking stupid not to go. There, now don't ask me anything else," she said in between puffs of smoke.

"Stop smoking. You're like a damn chimney. Don't you ever think about anyone besides yourself?" Josie said in disbelief.

"Why, because I'm having a smoke? Hand me that ashtray, will you?"

"No, I'm not handing you anything. I just want to know how you got those tickets. Tell me already, damn it!"

"You know, that's actually my personal business. All you have to do, is mind your stuff, and go to the show. No questions asked. Just trust me, okay?" she scoffed and crushed the cigarette against the ashtray across the room.

"No offense, but you're just a hard person to trust. Look, whatever it is you did to get the tickets, don't do it ever again. I know it must have been bad, because knowing you--"

"Knowing me, what? What are you insinuating?"

"Nothing. You know what it is you did. I won't bother you about it anymore. When is the festival again?" Josie curiously questioned, a small grin forming on her lips.

"Now you're interested?" Jenna said and smugly rolled her eyes.

"I was interested to begin with. Just tell me."

"In three days. Man, I don't think I can wait that long! Maybe we can meet them and I can, you know..." Jenna hinted and suggestively winked.

"You're not going to do anything. We're just going to the show to enjoy ourselves. Not to act slutty, got it?" Josie warned and pointed a finger at her.

"Hey, you said enjoy ourselves. That's exactly what I plan on doing."

"You'll never change, will you? You'd think that case of mono you had not long ago would have done something, but no; you're still the same cocky, self-absorbed girl as always," Josie sighed in defeat.

"Don't even remind me of that. It was horrible. Always ruining my moments of joy with something negative. You're such a pessimist."

"Whatever. I'm leaving. Night," she said and stormed out, slamming the door shut.

"Fuck you then. I go and get you tickets and that's how you thank me!" Jenna yelled in response as she walked up to the closed door, locking it.

 She then jumped, landing flat against the bed, staring at the ceiling in thought. Her sister always tried to bring her down when she was in a good mood. It would usually work, too. But this time, Jenna was not going to let anything bring her down. Not during these days, at least. She was feeling much too happy to think negatively. She lay, slightly grimacing at the thought of setting foot out of her room. She knew her Mom was disappointed and the mere thought nearly killed her. She hated being the cause of her Mom's disappointment. She could care less if she disappointed her Father; he didn't genuinely care about her anyway. She decided she would stay in her room all night. At least until the morning came and forced her to open the door. She didn't even feel like talking to anyone. Not even wiL. Especially after the way he had rejected her earlier. It was almost as if he didn't want her. At least that's what it seemed like to her. All she wanted, was to be alone. To be able to stare at the tickets all night long. And smoke. Yes, the only two things that comforted her at this point...

"What the Hell are you doing here?" Jenna sternly asked as she peered her head through the car door.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to take you to school. Get in," wiL said and rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"What if I don't want to? I'm still pissed at you for what you did yesterday."

"And what is it I did, according to you?" he sarcastically said.

"You pretty much fuckin' rejected me. You know how much that sets me off," she angrily muttered as she looked around.

"Don't want anyone to see you. Leave."

"I'm not leaving without you. Get in the damn car already. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, but I just didn't want you to receive shit from your parents. I really care about you. So get in, will you? Don't want your folks to see me. Plus, I have some Placebo in the car," he said and gave her a wide smile.

She couldn't resist wiL, she knew that much. She loved treating him like shit, but at the same time she felt he had a great hold on her. She was crazy about him.

"Fine, whatever. You said Placebo and that's what got me," she chuckled and stepped inside the car.

"Good, now we can finally leave," he muttered and turned the volume up.

"Ah, Special K!" Jenna excitedly exclaimed.

"Uh-huh. Pretty much your favourite Placebo song, isn't it?" he said with a suggestive smirk.

"Yeah, pretty much. Though you know I love all."

"Yep. I'm playing it for a reason, though."

"Because I like it, right?"

"Yeah, that too. But for another reason."

"Okay, stop going around in circles and tell me," Jenna scoffed and gave an irritable nod.

"What would you say if I told you I have some in my possession?" wiL said as he looked directly towards the road.

"Have some what? What do you have up your sleeve?" Jenna questioned as she felt a grin trace the corners of her lips.

"Hold on. I have to stop somewhere discreet," he lowly muttered as he kept driving.

Jenna felt herself steadily get more excited as the minutes passed. She loved wiL's surprises. They usually meant taking some sort of risk and the thought alone enticed her.

"Alright. No one will see us around here," he said while looking around cautiously.

"I thought you were taking me to school," Jenna sarcastically said and gave him a playful shove.

"And I am. But I knew you were upset yesterday and I thought I could make it up to you now," he said as a rummaged through a gray duffel bag.

"Well, it better be something big and worth my time because if you think you can just--"

She stopped mid sentence as soon as she saw what it was he had pulled out from the bag. She eyed the syringe in his hand with wonder as he smugly held it toward her.

"What the Hell is that?" She said and roughly snatched it from his hand.

"What do you think?"

"You tell me," she said and continued curiously eying the clear fluid inside the syringe.

"It's Special K. Why else would I have played the song especially for you?"

"Where did you get this?"

"Not telling you. It took me a while and was definitely not easy to acquire. So use it wisely," he said with an arrogant smile.

Jenna remained staring straight into the fluid-filled tube. She had never seen what Ketamine really looked like up until this point. She really didn't consider herself an avid drug user and wasn't even sure she wanted to start being one. The only drugs she had ever really done with frequency were marijuana and alcohol. There was one instance of cocaine, but that was only once and she didn't recall enjoying it very much. She then started thinking about how irritated her nose and eyes remained for the longest time afterward. Not only that, the fact her Mom had witnessed her behaviour was something Jenna still hadn't forgiven herself for. Just the way she--

"So are you gonna try it out or not? Or would you rather stare at it?" wiL suddenly shot out.

"Fuck you. I'm just looking at it, gosh. I don't even know how to use this. Have you used it before?" she curiously questioned.

"Yeah, a couple times. I wouldn't be giving it to you if I hadn't. Just try it out."

"But where do I inject this shit? I really don't know anything about it," she said and handed him the syringe.

"Give me your leg," he said and extended his arm toward her.

"My leg? What for?"

"Just do it," he muttered and snapped the cap off with his teeth.

She stared at him, not quite knowing what to do next. Did she really want to start using Special K? Maybe just one time wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't be enough to become an addict. Plus, she always enjoyed trying new things.

"Whatever, here," she muttered and extended her leg, setting it down on his lap.

He pressed at the bottom of the syringe lightly, causing a few drops to sprinkle out and land on her leg.

"Okay, I'm gonna need you to roll your jean up," he said and tapped the side of the tube with his finger.

"Fine, but hurry. I'm gonna be super late," she said and began rolling it up.

"How late?" wiL muttered.

"Pretty late. It's already 7:45. I get in at 8:00. Gosh, wiL," she said and hesitantly placed her leg back on top of his lap.

"Well at least you have a damn ride. So stop bitching. Okay. Ready?" He said with a sly grin.

"Not really. But whatever. Just do it already," she said, her eyes pressed shut.

She held her breath as she waited to feel the needle go in. She really wasn't sure what to expect. She suddenly felt wiL's grip wind tight around her calf until it felt like he was pinching.

"Shit, stop pinching so hard," she whispered and tightened her lids even more.

"Have to do it, babe. Just hold on a sec. Won't take long at all."

"Damn it!" she yelled as soon as she felt the sharp stinging sensation of the needle entering her skin, followed by a dull, numbing sensation.

Her leg began tingling, progressively losing feeling and she felt her head slightly tilt back. She slowly opened her eyes and saw wiL slowly pull the needle out, causing her to slightly flinch.

"There, all done. That wasn't so bad, now was it?" he mockingly said and let out a low chuckle.

"Uh, no. Not... so bad," she muttered and looked around.

"wiL, what's that butterfly doing over your head? Give it to me!"

"Ha, it's happening. There's no butterfly over my head. You're hallucinating. Usually happens within the first minute or so after injecting. Relax, doll."

"Stop the car. I feel like I'm gonna hurl," she said and began to roll the window down.

"Whoa, stop it. You're gonna fall out of the damn car," he said and pulled her back in by the leg.

"Hey, calm down. The hallucinating will stop soon. Just give it another minute. And whatever you do, please don't hurl in here. I just vacuumed this car two days ago. Found so many ashes, wow. So yeah, are you feeling better?" he asked and held her chin up to eye level.

"Your pupils are getting sort of dilated. Damn. Maybe I should have administered less."

"How much did you inject?" Jenna asked and shook her head away from his grip.

"About 100 mg. Milliliters, I should say since it's liquid. But it's really not that big of a dose at all. I just don't want you to be completely trashed at school."

"Then don't take me. Gosh, I feel like a balloon," she said and lightly tugged on his sleeve.

"Well you missed school yesterday. I'm thinking you should go. It won't be such a drag to be there since you're feeling better. Plus I don't want your absences to be obvious, you know?"

"But I feel way too great to go to that shit hole. Don't make me go!" she exclaimed and started hopping up and down in her seat.

"I'm taking you. But I'm also gonna pick you up after school so we can fool around, maybe get loaded on some more Special K. Sound fair?" he said and kissed her forehead.

"Uh-huh, fine. Hurry up and drive then. I want to get out of this car and jump around, or something."

Before she even felt time pass by, they were in front of the school campus. She immediately flung the car door open without saying a word and stumbled out. She felt great and as if she were walking through air. She suspected Special K would end up becoming a big part of her life. If she let it, that is.

TO BE CONTINUED. :)

So? What do you think? Hope you liked it.

Yeah..... tell me what you think, kiddies.

xD

a friend with weed is better

1

Walking down the narrow, sandy sidewalk, Jenna swiftly flipped her skimpy hood over her head, eyes cautiously roaming her surroundings. She reached a hand deep into her pocket, making sure the merchandise was safely stored inside.

"Got it," she muttered as she continued making her way towards the alley.

She soon felt a craving to dip her hand into her other pocket, just wanting a simple drag to calm her edged nerves.

"Too many people, damn it."

She just wanted to get to the meeting place already and get the whole thing over with. All she wanted, was to feel the thin laminated sensation of the tickets in her hand; to be able to hold them tight and proudly flash them in front of her sister. Jenna was used to getting everything she wanted; at all costs. Even if it meant lowering her standards. At any rate, she wasn't used to sitting around without doing anything. The world was her playground, or so she viewed it to be that way. She suddenly felt cool beads of perspiration gently roll down the back of her now sticky neck as she approached her desired location. And there he was, waiting for her discreetly, rapidly chewing as he impatiently tapped his foot on the ground.

"Got the stuff?" he questioned in between loud masticating.

"Yes. How about you? And please, stop chewing like that. You look like a fuckin' cow," she complained as she stared him down in annoyance.

"You better fuckin' shut up, little girl. Now, give me the grass," he said and extended his long arm.

"Not until you show me the tickets."

"Okay, okay. Here, you see 'em. Now hand it over."

"Okay, got it here," Jenna said and pulled a shiny baggy from her pocket.

"Hm, doesn't look like the amount you promised me," he said as he squinted.

"Well, it is. Plus, this stuff's strong. It'll be pretty long before you completely use it up. Just so you know."

"Hm. Well okay. I guess this is worth two tickets to that festival of yours. Here you go, doll."

"Thanks, Billy. Take care," she said after snatching the tickets from his clammy grasp.

"Lucky I don't ask you for more. I'll be contacting you later, so expect a call, babe!" Billy called out from behind her.

"Text would be better!" she called out in response and continued making her way towards the sidewalk.

She walked while staring down at the tickets with a huge smile printed across her face. She couldn't believe she had just sold marijuana for these tickets.

"Anything for Placebo," she said and smiled to herself.

She carefully slipped the tickets inside her pocket, and in turn slipped out a joint she had previously rolled. With the joint firmly tucked within her palm, Jenna sat on the sand and stared at the waves colliding against one another and then disintegrating, smoothing the crusty sand into a wet shiny mantle. Reaching into her back pocket, she was soon disappointed at not finding her lighter. She usually always had one stashed somewhere on her. Maybe her nerves at what she had just done caused her to forget it.

"Fuck, and when I want a hit so bad," she muttered while staring straight ahead.

She loved this beach. Just how isolated it was. There was hardly anyone ever around, so she could pretty much always do as she pleased around here. Ever since that shooting occurred at the beach, no one wanted to ever show up again. But that didn't phase Jenna. She actually found the idea of taking risks to be quite enticing.

"Surprised you haven't lit it yet," she heard a familiar voice say behind her.

"Damn it, wiL. You scared me," she said and rolled her eyes at him.

"Well, didn't mean to. Just knew you'd be here, somehow. Oh, and saw your stale joint; just caught my attention," he remarked and sat next to her, playfully nudging her shoulder.

"Yeah, forgot my lighter. You wouldn't happen to have one around, would you?"

"Actually, yeah. I do. Here," he said and lit the roach.

"Thanks," she muttered and took a long drag.

"So, why here all alone?" he curiously asked as he lit his own roach.

"What, I can't want to be alone? Do I always have to have someone around?"

"Well no. But I just thought you'd tell me you were planning on coming here, you know?"

"Well maybe I just wanted, no scratch that; want to be alone. This is kind of my place of peace. It's where I feel best. You know that. Plus, I did something," she said, concealing her face inside her hood.

"Did something? I don't think I'm liking your tone. What did you do?" wiL asked as he tried to get a better look at Jenna's face.

She didn't bother responding. Instead, she pulled the tickets out from her pocket and held them toward his face.

"Hey, aren't those the tickets you've been bothering your parents about for so long?"

"Uh-huh. These are the tickets. And I finally have them in my possession," she remarked with a satisfied grin.

"Well congrats, babe. Glad your parents finally caved and got you the tickets. You must be pretty excited, huh?" he enthusiastically said, smoke flaring through his nostrils.

"Well yeah, of course I'm excited. But my parents haven't exactly given in to letting me go. You know, with how bad I'm doing in school and all," she nervously chuckled, now feeling a hint of embarassment.

She knew wiL was aware of her determined personality, but she wasn't really sure she wanted to tell him about her drug dealing. His opinion of her would then be prone to changing. She knew she treated him like shit a lot of the time, but the bottom line was she did really love him and truly cared about what her thought of her.

"Uh, okay. So how did you get the tickets then?"

"I made a little deal. I don't do it often. Only when totally necessary. I mean it," she shot out, not wanting to directly look at him.

"Are you trying to say you made a drug deal?" wiL asked and slipped her hood off her head.

"Yeah, I guess that's what I'm trying to say. But you know how much this festival means to me. Ever since first finding out about it, I knew I had to go. Bottom line."

"So where'd you get the grass? Because that's what you traded for those tickets, isn't it?" he sternly said, knowing exactly what the answer would be.

He just wanted to hear it from her.

"Okay, so I got some from you. I'm sorry, wiL. But I had to do it. It was the only way of guaranteeing the tickets. Billy had them reserved for me."

"And you gave my weed to Billy? Seriously, Jenna? Damn, you crossed the line. You know I can't stand that asshole," wiL muttered and harshly pulled Jenna's hood over her head.

"Ow, damn. I'm sorry, wiL. I know I shouldn't have used it that way. You know I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for a very important reason," she insisted and lightly tugged his arm.

"If it weren't because I know how badly you want to see Placebo, I swear I'd probably stop giving you grass all together. But I know how much you love them, so I'll let it slip just this once. I love you, Jenna, but sometime you just cross the line. And in the end, you always get your way," he said and pressed his lips against her forehead.

"It won't happen again. And if I ever have the urge to do something like that again, I'll definitely be sure to ask you first, okay?"

"Yeah, and don't hide stuff like that from me. I'd actually prefer if you didn't get involved in dealing at all. You're my girl, so I just want you to be safe," he said and embraced her in a tight hug.

"So, Jenna?" wiL suddenly whispered.

"What?"

"Shouldn't you be getting home soon? It's half past five. Didn't school let out hours ago?"

"Yeah, at 2:30. But I didn't go. Didn't feel like bombing that Billy Budd test. I'll just sneak into her office and find an A paper to cheat off of," Jenna yawned and leaned into wiL's chest.

"But didn't you read the book?"

"Well yeah, I usually always read the lame novels given, but for some reason, always interpret it differently. So yeah, I bomb the tests... all the time," she said and began to laugh hysterically.

"Hm, well next time try not to bomb the test, because I know you read. So just try."

"I do! It's just I'm always half loaded, so guess that's why I suck so bad at the tests and quizzes; well everything school-related, to be honest. I just want to graduate and get the Hell out of here."

"Well lay off the weed when you go to school, okay?" he advised and tugged her hand, attempting to get her to stand up.

"Wait, where are you going?" Jenna questioned and tugged him back down towards her.

"I'm taking you home. I gotta hurry, too. You know, wouldn't want your parents seeing me drop you off. So come," he said and lifted her over his shoulder.

"No, stop. Get down here with me," she said and tugged him on top of her on the sandy ground.

"What are you doing, Jenna?" wiL questioned as she planted kisses up and down his neck.

"Come on, Jenna; I'm serious. We can do this another time," he grunted as he felt her undo his pants.

"Jenna, stop it. For real," he said, resisting less and less.

"You know you want to do this. Plus, there's no one here; no one is ever here. So what's the worse that could happen?" she said once straddling him down against the ground.

"It's not that. I know we can do each other over and over in this place and no one would ever see. What I'm talking about, is your parents. Oh, and your sister. She must be pretty tired of covering for you all the time."

"Please, she hardly ever covers for me as of lately. My parents already know I'm a screw-up, so there's no point. Now, stop talking and let me do you," she playfully giggled and slipped his pants down half-way.

"Uh, okay, get away from there," he groaned and pushed her head back.

"Come on, you're no fun," she complained and wiped her lips.

"Let's just head to your house already. We'll do this another time, okay?"

"Fine, whatever. Take me home then. We could have killed some time by messing around, but whatever. I wanted to lose it already," she muttered and angrily rolled her eyes.

She quickly stood up, ruffled her hair back in place, and took off. She rapidly paced away, not bothering to throw even a slight glance back at wiL. She hated rejection. If there was anything that could set her off, it was that. For someone who was used to obtaining all she desired, Jenna just found being rejected inconceivable. And that meant being rejected by anyone.

"Wait up! Where are you going?" wiL called out while buttoning his pants.

"Home, where else?" she irritably scoffed and started walking faster.

"Wait up. Let me take you," he said and grabbed her hand.

"You didn't want to be with me earlier, so why would you want to be with me now and take me home?"

"Jenna, you sound ridiculous. Now get in my car and let me take you home," he insisted.

"Fine. Just hurry. We could have killed a decent amount of time at the beach, but no; you didn't want to," she complained while looking out the window in distaste.

Aside from the beach, Jenna pretty much hated the rest of her surroundings. She would always find herself wishing she could be somewhere else. To be in a place where no one could tell her what to do. Where she wouldn't have to explain her actions to anyone. She pretty much never looked forward to anything. Except for getting loaded, that is. Now with the festival coming up, she finally felt like there was actually something worth looking forward to. She could just picture it perfectly in her head; singing along and going completely wild during Placebo's set. Nothing else really mattered to her at this point. And it was only three days away...

"Whoa, wait. No kiss or anything?" wiL said and held Jenna down.

"You said you wanted to hurry up and drop me off, didn't you? Well I'm hurrying. Can't let my parents see you. Now, let you, you asshole," she muttered and slapped his hand off.

"Gosh, this whole festival issue really has you acting like a little bitch," he said and slammed the car door before she could get a chance.

"Almost got my leg, you dick!" she yelled once his car angrily departed, its trail of fumes clouding her breath.

She then made sure to walk as slowly as she could manage to the front door. She really didn't feel like confronting her parents or giving false reasons to anyone. All she wanted, was to show the tickets to her sister already. She loved to brag and couldn't help but grin at the thought of her sister's reaction.

"Okay, can you please tell me where the Hell you've been?" her Dad questioned once flinging the door open.

"I see you've been waiting for me. Probably spying in front of the window, weren't you?"

"What I was doing doesn't matter. However, what you were doing does, young lady."

"I love when you call me a lady. Makes me feel important. Step aside, will ya, Rick?" she said and tried to make her way past him.

"Just answer the damn question already; where have you been?!"

"I was just hanging around. Didn't really feel like coming here so early. Jeeze," she shot out and rolled her eyes.

"Get in here," he said and tugged her inside by the arm.

"Gosh, not so hard. What's your problem?" she said and shrugged.

"My problem is that you always do this! You think yo ucan do anything you want and never explain anything to anyone. Well not in my house. Your Mother's been worried sick, thinking something bad could have happened to you. We called the school; you didn't show up there, either. Plus you smell like smoke. Gosh, Jenna, what is the matter with you?" he said in disbelief.

"Look, leave me the Hell alone already. I'm gonna go upstairs. Talk to me when you're not being such an annoying prick," she said and made her way towards the stairs.

"And you stay in your damn room until you stop being such an inconsiderate, irresponsible brat!" he called out from below her.

"Mhmm."

She walked near her Mom's bedroom and listened to see if she was inside.

"Uh, Mom? Just want to let you know I'm home and alright, okay? Sorry for worrying you... again," she trailed off and walked over to her own room.

She couldn't stand her Dad, yet she loved her Mom to death. Every time she disappointed her, she would end up hating herself for it. She would always tell herself over and over again that she would do everything not to disillusion her Mother. But somehow, she kept doing the exact opposite of what she would tell herself. She sat on her bed and stared at the tickets with a wide grin. Sure, she was self-centered, but seeing Placebo live was something she felt she just had to do. She reached for her lighter while simultaneously rolling a tight joint. She couldn't wipe the smile off her face as she kept staring at the tickets. Her door suddenly flung open and her light was turned on.

"Jenna, quit smoking. You wanna kill Mom? And what the Hell do you have in your hands that you keep staring at like an idiot?" Josie asked as she peered her head through the opening.

"We are seeing Placebo," was all Jenna could utter.

TO BE CONTINUED.  :D

Okay, so I'm back. I know it's been some months since I've last posted anything.

But yeah, this is a new story in the works. Give it a read. I hope you all like it. I'd appreciate some nice, detailed feedback. To those who decide to read it, thanks so much.

If you read and liked Adalia, chances are you'll like this.

Thanxxx.

xxx

11.19.09

So that was quite possibly one of the best nights of my life. If not the BEST. I went absolutely insane. Words can't explain how amazing it felt to see these boys live. They've been one of my ultimate favourite bands for years and I had never seen them live up until now. I was actually beginning to think I would never see them live, for some reason. See, I'm a pessimist and never think I'll see my favourite bands live. Although I've seen many of them live. But still.

Enough with my ramblings. Onto the actual details of the night;

My Mum took my sister and  to Orlando specifically to go to the AFI concert. We live about two hours and a half away so I went to school and then left early. We wanted to get there with enough time to eat and whatnot. Let me just say this; Orlando traffic sucks testes. Big ones. It got on my nerves. But we got there with enough time to get to the hotel, which was only around four minutes away from The House of Blues, and settled down.

We ate... and blah, blah, blah.

So anyway, we got to the venue at around 6:15-ish and walked around to see a HUGE line. I hate standing around in long lines so my impatience was already getting to me and I hadn't even set foot in the line yet. :/

Once we got to the back of the line, it seemed like a long time before it actually started moving. More and more people were arriving and going to the back of the line so I took comfort in knowing I wasn't the very last person. At least.^^

The line finally started picking up pace and we got to the front by the time the doors opened. I believe they opened at 7:00. Around that time. So they scanned us in the front with this metal detecting device. Cameras aren't allowed at that venue. Lame, I know. I really wanted to sneak one in. Maybe next time. :) We decided against getting merch right away, since we saw a mass of people already accumulating on the floor. I didn't want to be in the back so I managed to slide my way to the right side of the stage. Pretty close. I stood on this step and my sister stood behind me haha. It felt like we waited a long time before the first band actually got on stage to play. GALLOWS was supposed to play before AFI, but stupid House of Blues has them banned. Due to violent lyrical content and the fact they love to start massive circle pits and play in the middle of them. Insane. I would have liked to see them. Oh well. Instead this band played. I totally forgot their name. I think it started with 'Tides'. The lead singer's voice reminded me of a combination of Craigery Owens (ex Chiodos) and Cove Reber of Saosin. He was alright. They performed at least three songs with him singing and then Jonny Craig of Emarosa came on stage and took over the lead vocals. Pretty neat and mellow. And wow, there was this couple who apparently had too much to drink. Well the girl, at least. The guy was sustaining her so she wouldn't fall. She kept swaying like crazy and rubbed these people's heads. Hahaaa. Then security took them out of the crowd. I swear, that guy must have put something in her drink. He seemed perfectly fine whereas she was wasted...

But I came there SPECIFICALLY for A Fire Inside so I was getting impatient haha.^^

Alrighty.

So they finished their set with Jonny Craig and my anticipation grew and grew and grew.

Ah, I was ecstatic.

The lights kept dimming progressively and a bunch of fumes started pumping out of these machines. Forgot what they're called, but you get the idea. I saw Smith Puget, Jade's brother, AKA AFI's tour manager... ahhh. He was setting up and grabbed thgis large bouqet of white, gold and black balloons and set them on the left corner of the stage. I love Smith, he's so hilarious. :D

So yeah, after about thirty minutes of waiting, the lights completely dimmed and Adam came out and took a seat in his drum set. AHHHHH. I started screaming haha. Then Hunter came out.... ahhhh again. Then Jade Came out.... omg haha. And they started playing the intro to TORCH SONG. <3

Then guess who came out... ?

DAVEY!!!!

I think I completely lost it at that point. Gosh so dreamy haha.

Let me give you what I remember of their set list;

*In no particular order;

TORCH SONG

GIRLS NOT GREY

BEAUTIFUL THIEVES

DEATH OF SEASONS

END TRANSMISSION

MISS MURDER

KILL CAUSTIC

THE MISSING FRAME

THE LEAVING SONG PART 2

THE LEAVING SONG

ON THE ARROW

DANCING THROUGH SUNDAY

LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING

LOVE LIKE WINTER

TOO SHY TO SCREAM

VERONICA SAWYER SMOKES

MEDICATE

SILVER AND COLD

... and two which I cannot remember. :)

Loved the set list, however; THEY PERFORMED NO SONGS FROM THE ART OF DROWNING! W.T.F ?!

The Art of Drowning is pretty much my favourite AFI record ever. So I was waiting for them to perform some songs from it. Kind of disappointed me, I must say. But amazing, nonetheless.

So throughout their whole peformance, the energy was incredible. I thought for some reason they would have a little less energy than earlier times, but NO. They are so energetic on stage. It's insane. Just like I pictured them to be. I don't know if any of you own or have seen the AFI live DVD; I Heard a Voice from 2006. Live in orange county. But... theyir movements were SO similar to that DVD. EVERYTHING! Like when they performed Death of Seasons, towards the very end, when Havok goes on screaming. He got up on the speakers and knelt down, screaming his heart out. And then dropped the microphone and the lights totally went dark. Like the DVD. So emotive and beautiful.

Also, Hunter, Davey, and Jade were just moving so much all throughout the stage. Running around and doing their little spin kicks and whatnot. Davey started out wearing this gold blazer jacket and took it off after Torch Song and gosh he looked so cute. True, he's very skinny right now. Skinnier than Decemberunderground era. But he still looks so good. Though he does need to build some muscle again. Gosh I love that little guy.

Of course as always, there was some chemistry between Davey and Jade. I laughed a couple of time because Havok is SO dramatic on stage. He like, acts out the songs. He almost cries. And he spasms and it looks so funny and cute. Awww. (:

They performed The Leaving Song and On the Arrow on after the other. And during On the Arrow, Adman stood up front and played a shaker. He's so amazing. Sounded so beautiful. <3 

At one point when it was completely quiet, Davey was wiping himself off with a towel and some random guy yells out; "DAVEY!!!" It sounded hilarious. He just nodded haha. I think that same guy yelled out, "THE DAYS OF THE PHOENIX!" At another point. Which I cannot believe they didn't perfrom that song. Ah. :C Maybe next time.

They left the stage after a certain amount of songs, acting as if were over. But we knew it wasn't. So everybody started chanting, "THROUGH OUR BLEEDING, WE ARE ONE!" (Strength Through Wounding), and they obviously came back and performed a few more songs. They ended with Silver and Cold. Totally didn't expect them to perform that one. I kind of forgot it existed lmao. But it sounded so pretty, ah.

Throughout the whole show, everyone was singing like crazy, myself included. DUH. It was just an amazing time. ♥

Just know that it was so amazing... they're so great live. Too great.

Some songs I would have loved them to perform include;

THIS TIME IMPERFECT, 6 TO 8, EVER AND A DAY, THE GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT, THE DESPAIR FACTOR, DREAM OF WAKING, OF GREETINGS AND GOODBYES, 37 MM, ENDLESSLY, SHE SAID, SUMMER SHUDDER, A SINGLE SECOND, THE DAYS OF THE PHOENIX, MISERIA CANTARE.... just a lot more.

I'm an AFI freak, yeahhh.

It was an amazing night. So amazing. Would have loved to meet them. Maybe next time. Because there WILL be a next time. :)

I hope they do warped tour. Ahhh.

I also want to wish Mr. Havok a happy 34th birthday. It was yesterday. Awww. :)

Now the only bands I'm absolutely dying to see are PLACEBO and MUSE! I'd die.

Until the next time...

JADE, ADAM, DAVEY, HUNTER.

You guys are the best.

♥

LIBERATION TRANSMISSION

ZACK

"Hm, wonder what's taking her so long," I muttered as I stared into the house from the car.

The house remained pitch black from what I could see. Adalia had told me she wouldn't take long and that was beginning to worry me. I was seriously beginning to doubt she would be coming out any time soon. My impatience soon got the best of me and I found myself getting out of the car. I leaned against it and impatiently tapped my foot against the ground as I kept staring at the house. I couldn't see a single light from within. I knew I should have gone in with her and helped her pack. I suddenly felt a gradual urge build to go inside and see what it was that was taking her so long.

"Doesn't she want to get the Hell out of here? Why is she taking so long?"

The longer I stared, the more impatient I grew. I suddenly heard weird noises coming from within; banging.

"What, is she having a party, or something?" I muttered in annoyance.

A light suddenly flickered from the second floor. A silhouette soon appeared near the window. I smiled at seeing Adalia's shadow. She looked beautiful even when not fully visible. To my bewilderment, another silhouette appeared. Taller, a man. She was then harshly tugged down to the ground. His shadow soon began kicking her.

"Fuck," I hissed and ran to the entrance. There was no way I was going to let that abusive prick torture Adalia further. My chance to make that fucker pay had finally arrived.

"Ian, stop! Stop it!" I coughed out as I felt each kick twist my stomach into a tighter knot.

"You're killing me," I hoarsely whispered.

He suddenly stopped kicking and and rapidly turned the other way, taking quick, sharp gasps of air while nodding his head.

"Why, Adalia?" He suddenly said.

"Why, what?" I sighed, feeling massive pain throughout my whole torso.

"Why do you want to leave me? What have I done that makes you want to do such a thing?" He questioned as he trembled.

"You expect me to answer that?"

"I wouldn't ask a question and not expect an answer. Of course I expect you to answer!" He yelled, sending vibrations right through me.

"Ian, I can't even breathe right now from all your kicking. I know I have at least two broken ribs. Why don't you just take me to a fucking hospital?" I heaved in pain.

I felt shattered, not even trying to move the slightest bit.

"I know about him, Adalia," He sternly said, his blood-shot eyes looking into mine.

"Know about who?" I forced out a whisper.

"Your little relationship. The one you've been having pretty much since  we got married! And then you always have the nerve to question my behavior towards you. Always complaining about the way I treat you. You've been unfaithful to me, Adalia! I had know all along, but never said anything. I just took my frustration out on you in a different way."

"Yeah, by beating me pretty much every chance you got. Worked wonders for your frustration, didn't it?" I sarcastically replied.

"Oh, you bitch," He muttered and acted as if he were going to kick me again.

I flinched and covered my face, cringing at the thought of another hit.

"I have news for you, doll. You are not leaving. If you think you can just get away with leaving and cheating the way you have since the start of our marriage, you're sorely mistaken. I'm not going to let you out so easily," He sighed and looked at me with hate-filled eyes.

"A little piece of information for you; I did not cheat on you. It wasn't until recently that I actually got involved with someone. I always maintained that ridiculous half-assed hope that you would some day treat me better. But you never did! You always went out and did as you pleased while I was stuck here, scared to death of when you would come back. Don't deny it," I said and attempted to stand up.

I instantly felt a burning sensation take over my entire abdomen. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't manage to stand straight.

"Well, it was your behavior that caused me to act that way. You always play victim and try to make others feel guilty over your actions. You're an unfaithful little bitch. Admit it," He said and sternly folded hims arms across his chest.

"I don't care what you think. Not anymore. And believe me, I'm leaving. If it's the last thing I do, I'm leaving," I said and stumbled my way past him.

His eyes and head followed me in astonishment as I attempted to make my way past him.

"You're damn right it'll be the last thing you do. Because if you leave, you're dead. I'm warning you, Adalia," He said as he stared at me, his head low.

"I don't care about your stupid threats anymore. Do what you want. After all, I've heard that same threat a million times."

"You really think this is a joke?" He said and grabbed the back of my neck, tightly pressing his fingers against it.

"Ian, please. No more," I whispered.

I couldn't even fight back. I felt so stupid and weak at this point. Like everything I had set out to do from the start had fallen apart. Pretty much like I had done everything in vain.

"If you could only see how much I love you, Adalia. See everything I'm capable of doing for you. Then you wouldn't be acting like a complete, selfish bitch. I love you," He grunted against the side of my swollen face.

"And I loved you, too. Loved you a lot, actually. But your limitless abuse killed it all," I breathlessly sighed.

"Loved? You don't love me anymore?"

"No, I don't. All I want, is for you to let me leave. To never see you again."

"Well that's too bad. Because you're going to have to deal with seeing me and being with me for the rest of your life!" He yelled and shoved me towards the stairs.

"Let go, Ian."

"No, we're going to talk some more. Maybe this can help for a reconciliation. Don't you think?" He sarcastically said as he basically dragged me down the stairs by the hair.

Once all the way to the bottom, he violently flung me aside, making me land against he wall, my hands spread to each side. He then began to slowly walk towards me. He wasn't finished yet. He would just keep hitting me; letting his rage out until I was dead.

"You kept me waiting the first night!" He said, gradually turning into a yell.

"Waiting?"

"Yeah, first time we met. Bet you were with that guy. Gosh, you're such a whore," He muttered.

"No, I was avoiding you because I didn't know you. I should have kept doing it, too. What the Hell is your problem?"

"Shut up!" He yelled and put his boots over my hands.

"Ian, you're stepping on my hands. Stop!" I shrieked in pain.

I soon heard cracking noises and impulsively rose my leg to kick Ian. He looked at me in astonishment and bent down, pulling me up by the hair.

"Hitting me now? I don't think so," He said and pinned me against the wall.

I didn't know what else to do at this point. I was cornered with no way out. I would never be liberated from this Hell. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the front door suddenly swing open; Zack.

"What the Hell is this?" Ian said and let go of me.

Without thinking, I gathered the strength out of nowhere and quickly limped towards the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. Whatever happened next, I didn't want to think about.

ZACK

Adalia, where are you going?" I called out as I saw her take off.

"You? Aren't you that tattoo artist? You tattooed my wife's name on me."

"Yep, I'm that guy."

"You're also the guy my wife has been cheating on me with," He growled.

"Forgot something. I'm also Claudia's brother. You know, the girl you beat until she lost sanity. The one whose life you took away. Yeah, I'm her brother."

His eyes instantly widened. He looked down and squinted in frustration.

"So you're Claudia's brother."

"Yes. And I know I wasn't around last time, but this time I am. And I'm not going to let you have your way with that girl. Not this time," I grunted and charged towards him, tackling him down to the ground.

I soon found myself throwing repetitive punches at his face; everywhere I could get him. I got up and kicked him; kicked him until I was breathless. He lay on the ground, gasping for air.

"I'm taking her out of here," I muttered and walked away.

It was over, and all I wanted, was to have Adalia in my arms. To take her away from the Hell she'd been living in for so long. I walked over to a closed door. The light was on and I could see a shadow from the crack of the door.

**I sat on the cold, rigid bathroom floor, shuddering at the thought of what was about to come. It was quiet outside the bathroom door. This dead silence confused me. I knew it wouldn't last much longer. All I had been through had made me paranoid in every situation. I sat, endlessly shaking in a tiny corner of the bathroom, just waiting. I really had no other choice. The dead silence came to and abrupt end when booming pounding on the flimsy door came into play. With each pound, my shaking became more frantic. I nervously covered my ears with my bruised hands. I rocked back and forth on the floor, humming Adalia; the one song I found myself humming every time I was in panic; which was pretty much all the time. That song title was also my name. I felt like it was written for me. I hummed louder and louder to tune out the endless pounding on the door. It seemed to actually work until the door violently flung open. My fate was sealed.

"Adalia, why didn't you open? I thought something horrible had happened to you," Zack said once kicking the door open.

"I thought you were Ian, and--"

"Oh, don't worry about him anymore. I took care of him. Come on, let's get the Hell outta here already," He said and knelt down.

"W-what did you do to him?"

"Don't worry about it. We're leaving. You won't have to deal with his abuse anymore. Now we can finally be happy without any worries," He said while carrying me in his arms.

Out of what seemed like nowhere, Ian charged from behind Zack, knocking us both down to the ground. I lay weak while Ian and Zack were tearing each other apart without stopping. I tried to say something, but found it too difficult to do so. I had no air left. I soon heard a sharp thud and then complete silence.

"Zack, what happened?" I nervously called out.

I still heard no response from anyone. I soon started heavily panting as I waited. My hands started shaking uncontrollably. I didn't want to see what had happened. I just knew things would take a turn for the worse. If that were even possible. I finally got up on my feeble feet and dragged myself out to see what had happened. Zack was on the ground with Ian staring at him as he stood above him.

"Ian, what the Hell did you do?!"

"Only hit him with a vase. He's still alive, doll. For now, that is," He chuckled.

"I can't believe this. Why do you insist on making me miserable?" I said in disbelief.

"Just come here!" He yelled and came after me.

I ran to the kitchen, not even thinking of what I was doing. He pulled my leg back, causing me to fall face-down on the ground.

Now it really felt as if I had gotten hit by a car. I managed to kick my feet up in the air, in no particular direction, hoping to nail Ian somewhere; anywhere. He grabbed my legs and pinned them down on the ground with his body weight and soon pulled me up by the hair yet again. A pool of warm blood flooded the corners of my mouth. As soon as Ian's face came near mine, I spit it out all over him. He instantly let go of me and wiped his face off. I knew he would only continue. I couldn't stand around, waiting like an idiot and let him have his way. Mixed thoughts then came to me; all of the beatings, the insults, the fact I lost my baby because of him. It only served to enrage me and make me want to hurt him in the worst way possible. He soon came up to me, cornering me against the counter with his body.

"You whore. Look at what you did; spitting your mess all over me," He said and put his hands around my neck.

I instinctively reached my hand behind me, towards the counter; in search of any object I could use to get him off of me. I soon came across a wooden handle. At least that's what it felt like to me. In between sharp gasps for air, I tightly gripped the handle and impulsively stuck the other end through Ian's chest. His hands unwound themselves from my neck and he looked down in agony.

"What did you--"

I cut him off and stabbed again. And again. And again. And again.

I kept stabbing and pulling the blade out without thinking. Ian soon fell down after I pulled the blade out for the last time. He lay on the ground, a large pool of blood spreading around him, near my feet. I stepped back  and dropped the knife as I stared in horror at what I had done.

"Love you," He whispered and closed his eyes.

"And I hate you," I answered and stumbled out of the kitchen.

I looked down and my blood-stained hands and let out a sigh of relief. After everything, I felt I couldn't regret what I'd just done. I had liberated myself from Ian.

What would happen next from here on out; that just didn't concern me.

(She wraps her tragic moments tightly around her neck. And she hangs herself with them as I try to disconnect. She wants to choke on her life again; breathing it in like a deadly poison. She cries 'cause she's lost and she doesn't even know what she wants. And Her eyes grow cold and she begs the world to just let her go (But I won't let her go). She lives and breathes in a world that brought her to her knees And now I'm addicted to her cuz that girl is just like me. And I'm gonna choke on her life again breathing it in like a deadly poison. I just wanna get through to her, before her last breath. She cries cause she's lost and she doesn't even know what she wants. And Her eyes grow cold and she begs the world to just let her go She cries 'cause she's lost and she doesn't even know what she wants. And she hides all alone inside the pain that she wont let go. Watching her life pass her by, watching it all through her watering eyes. But I'll be chasing dragonflies from her darkest skies until the day she dies.)

^These are the lyrics to Adalia, by the way.^

It's a Madina Lake song that inspired this story, for those of you who don't know.

Actually it's my favourite ML song. (:

Well, this is the last official chapter of this story. Kind of sad it's over. After nearly a year of working on it. :'[

What did you think of this chapter? Well, of the story as a WHOLE?

I may write up an epilogue... but, I'm leaving that entirely up to you guys. So just tell me in your comment, okay?